ME & STEPH

It's not often you get to schmooze with a four-time world champion surfer but I was lucky enough to snag a moment with the ever smiling Stephanie Gilmore at Dee Why the other day. She was competing in the Beachley Classic and pulling off some amazing moves including vertical foam riding and snaps off the lip. It's those legs that do it, and the smile!

But it wasn't enough t get her over the line at this particular event, loosing out to Hawaiian teen Carissa Moore in the semi finals, a powerhouse surfer who went on to walk away 40K richer. But with three events left on the tour, there's still hope for the lady in pink! All power to her.

IMPERMANENCE

Surfers know about impermanence - one day you have perfect waves the next, nada. This concept is at the heart of Tibetan Buddhism; don't get too attached to anything because it wont last. It's a basic law of nature.
For the past week, three monks have been painstakingly creating a Sand Mandala in the Avalon Recreation Centre. It was an incredibly intricate design containing the essence of a powerful female energy for healing and prolonging life. And yesterday, in a beautiful dissolution ceremony, they and their head monk swept it all away.

After six days of meticulous effort, the distinctive dyed crushed marble became a swirl of grey in a matter of minutes. We were all given a little spoonful to take home with us as a reminder of the impermanence of things and that happiness is not to be found outside ourselves but within. Then the remaining granules were collected in a vase and taken over to the beach were they were poured into the ocean.
Nothing lasts forever. In the end we are all dust. So get out there and catch a few and spread the love while you can.

NIPPLES A-GO-GO

With the advent of the Youtube channel Nellevision1 you can now view the infamous inaugural work by The Stoked 'Hell (nipple rash)'. Made in response to Tracy Moffatt's classic video 'Heaven', this 2009 perv- fest trains the gaze on women and girls performing the time honored ritual of getting in and out of wetsuits in carparks. And with the word "nipple" in its title it's getting lots of hits although you'll be hard pressed to see one in the video because lady surfers are somewhat more discrete than their male counterparts.

SEA HAGS AHOY!

When you go on a surfing safari it's never a given that you'll get waves. When the Sea Hags went south this year we had just two measly surfs in one foot waves. Last year, however, the conditions were swellegant with lovely sparkly corduroy lines. Have a squizz at this little flick by The Stoked to see how lovely it was:

LEAVE A MESSAGE

There's an excellent looking new girls surf doco about to come out. The only problem is that surfer guys are already showing what dickheads they can be by leaving ridiculous comments about it. Check it out and  help address the problem by leaving your own comment.

http://surf.transworld.net/1000128655/photos/nike-60-all-girls-film-this-aint-no-chick-flick/?comment=true#idc-cover

ONE DAY LEFT TO VOTE!

With one day left to vote in the Environmental Crusader Competition I've decided to pull out the big guns and go public via the Mud Guard (http://www.mudgeeguardian.com.au/news/local/news/general/running-stream-activist-leads-climate-change-rally/2128284.aspx?storypage=2).

This trusty publication is circulated throughout the mid-western regional council area in which our little bush town of Running Stream falls. The only trouble is they didn't get the link right at the end of the story! It's http://www.environmentalcrusader.com.au/author/nell/

Ecoloco is currently ranked 6th so let's see if it this fresh bit of publicity is enough to push it over the Facebook edge. If not, there's always the wild card call which, in the end, might just come up trumps! But whatever the outcome, it's been a great way of getting our message about the threat to our beautiful bushland out into the public sphere.

FIN FORENSICS

http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/3185178.htm

ENVIRONMENTAL CRUSADER

It was after watching Rob Stewart's amazing 2007 documentary 'Sharkwater' that I realised the terrible plight facing the world's sharks. Illegal fishing for their fins is driving them to extinction. The Chinese believe that when eaten the fins give them vigor but the truth is that they're basically carcinogenic cartilage. Being at the top of the ocean food chain means they build up toxins by devouring all the other seafood that has already been contaminated by our various toxic outfalls.
But this is not the subject of the short film that I've entered into the Environmental Justice Society's Environmental Crusader competition. In 'Ecoloco' I reveal some of the things I get up to as a founding member of the Running Stream Water Users Association which celebrates 20 years of activism this month.
Here's the link:
http://www.environmentalcrusader.com.au/author/nell/

If I get enough votes I might just win a trip to LA to meet Erin Brockovich!

SPUNK RATS ROOL, OK?

Gotta love Seal Rocks locals for this sign on their dead end main street. Not to mention their general willingness to share the fantastic selection of waves in their neighborhood.
About 10 years ago I was camping out in the bush nearby when an all singin' soul surfin' pot smokin' Jesus freak emerged from the undergrowth with a spare surfboard tucked under his arm. I hadn't surfed in ages but he encouraged me to get back into it and I was soon fully stoked. As I watched the sand whiting flit about under the nose of the borrowed board I wondered what I'd been doing out of the water all these years.
I owe the dude a major debt of gratitude. He even introduced me to the G-spot - the creme de la de da of camp sites in the area which has sadly now been bisected by a boardwalk. We had it several times in peak condition and felt the full embrace of the place which continues to hold a sacred site in my salty sea dog of a heart.

APPLE OF LOVE

Took delivery of my new Brompton the other day and rode it around the Bilgola Bends to Mona Vale like a true woman on the verge! This is the absolute Queen of folding bikes in my humble opinion. I first encountered her while on vacation in New Zealand. I was staying in a small B&B in Dunedin when a gentleman and his lady love wheeled in on matching Bromptons. Naturally I got to talking with them about their most marvellous contraptions. Turned out this dude sold communications systems to UNESCO and was something of a millionaire. And yet his idea of bliss was simply biking around the world with nothing so much as a credit card in his pocket and a change of underwear in his panier. He said that he loved his bike so much that he bought the entire company!
Inspired by this example of freedom, I hit up ebay and bought myself a Halfway folding Giant which I've loved to death for the past 7 years. But the chain kept falling off and it gradually started losing its grip on the  fold. Towards the end it was like riding a circus bike as it came apart at the seams on busy city streets. And so the time finally arrived to replace it. I'm sure if anyone cared to fix it up it'd be quite the fun little bike again. Any takers?

J.O.B IS A DICK

Went to the opening of the Australian Surf Film Festival at the good old Randwick Ritz last night. First flick up was 'Who is J.O.B?', a great doco about Pipeline tube pig and radical nut case Jaimie O'Brien. JOB reveals that he had a chronic ear infection as a kid and was told to stay out of the water for a year. His dad, a fiercely ambitious Hawaiian surf dog, wasn't going to let him loose any time in the water so he gaffer- taped a swimming cap to young Jamie's head, whacked a helmet on him and ordered him back into the waves. And thus was born a champ, albeit one who burns the rule book.

After this excellent piece of surf cinema, Festival initiator Tim Bonython launched his new film which is loosely based on the premise of taking three indigenous surfers - Dale Richasrds, Otis Carey and Russ Molony - on a safari from Red Bluff and Gnarloo in Western Australia, to Streaky Bay in South Australia, and then (possibly) Wreck Bay on the South Coast of NSW before heading down to some monstrous man-munching waves at Shipsterns in Tasmania.
Coff's Harbour homeboy Otis Carey was in the house and acknowledged that we were all gathered on Aboriginal land before being subjected to a cringe worthy interview by the director. Tim takes beautiful footage but he can't ask a question to save his life!  The big discovery of the night was a crazy SA dude who does surf stunts like riding a wave backwards while hauling an imaginary rope out of the barrel. He also surfs in a kooky pose on one leg and then sitting down. "If you can do it, do it!" is his motto. Right on, 'bro.

BYRONIA REVISITED

Magic happened again at Byron Bay last week with some fantastic surfing snagged at Cosy Corner and a great show witnessed when some hard core dudes took on Saturday's extreme conditions at Belongil, screaming across the 10ft faces on the bomb sets. It was way too radical for me and the White Resonant Mirror to launch ourselves into but excellent fun to watch. Poised as we were right on the bay, we spent our down time jutting out into the Pacific like gluttons sucking up that special far eastern energy.

But there's a real issue emerging for landholders here in the guts of the bay and watching big waves like these really brought it home - the dunes on which they built their flash pads are gradually being eroded away by the endless surge of the sea. The owners of our fab establishment - 'Bluewater on the Beach' -have had experts in to advise on ways in which disaster might be averted. One suggestion is to make a series of breakwaters, each one perhaps sponsored by a surf company, which would stem the tide of destruction while providing some potentially awesome surf spots. This would also ease the pressure on the ever popular Pass by distributing surfers more evenly along the Bay.

There are of course problems with this concept because the Bay is a designated Marine Reserve - nothing must endanger or disrupt the marine habitat here. But maybe the break-walls would encourage sea life? It's tempting to let nature take its course but Byron Bay is such an Australian mecca that the sheer numbers of people pouring through the place on a daily basis has already had an impact on every conceivable level. It certainly isn't the little hippy haven I first came to back in 1977!

But there's something about it that mysteriously draws one back time and time again, despite the summer crowds and gridlock. It's like a mystical magnet. Luckily numbers were down this year due to the floods up north so we had a good run of the place. Even an Australia Day, there were only a handful of diners at Rae's - that well known flash restaurant at Watego's (what egos!). Staff must've thanked their lucky stars that our party was celebrating not one but two birthdays in fine style for a second year in a row, gorging ourselves on their delectable Morton Bay Bugs washed down with plenty of good plonk.

We've already made another booking at Bluewater for next year. Let's hope our excellent ocean viewing platform is still intact!

NELL ON WHEELS

http://www.habitusliving.com/move/artcycle-2011

We're cycling around Clover Moore's State electorate of Bligh on the 26th March checking out all sorts of art en route and deciding which ballot box looks the most glamorous to cast our votes into.

http://www.artmonthsydney.com/_webapp_770772/ARTcycle_-_Paddington_and_Woollahra

THE VERDICT

Spank the Plank is a tank. I need another 20 kilos or so to be able to handle the beast. So I am now faced with a major dilemma; to sell or keep it as a work of art? Any suggestions/takers??

GLASSY NEW STICK

Finally, the infamous hollow wooden longboard, which was handmade by my own fair pair at the Comboyne workshop last October, has been glassed. And what a sexy piece of plank it is too! Her rails were lovingly fine tuned by the amazing Bobo as was her tail and I'm looking forward to handing her over to him for a test ride next week.

Can't decide what to call her yet although 'Spanker' popped out of my mouth just now! She's a bit quirky in that she has something rattling around inside her. I think one of those cheeky Comboyne kids might have inserted a macadamia nut shell while I wasn't watching!

Took her down to Palm Beach for an initiation wax job to rival Rachel Scott's 'Phantasmagoriapsychosexmagia' (see earlier post) and will be cutting together a short film in celebration of the momentous event (watch this space). The low tide Palmy shore breaks were not the ideal conditions to initiate Spank the Plank so I'm taking her down to Green Island for a cruise this arvo.

In the meantime, her sister stick - the 5'10" Webber - has been getting a workout. Yesterday it was on those nice chunky waves  pulsing through at North Avalon and this morning we had some fun at Warriwood.  Life really is a beach.

BIKE BLISS

What better thing to do when the surf is flat than to free-wheel along the wet sand with the salty wind in your hair? The joys of bike riding are almost as abundant as those of surfing, especially on a stretch of beach such as this. It took us about an hour to cycle from Broken Head to Lennox where we embarked on a spot of shopping. Amazingly, this tiny town at the site of one of our National Surfing Reserves has some fantastic outlets.
Primo shoppo is Riley Burnett, located upstairs on the main street, a jewellery wholesale outlet that sells gear to Italy. It's also got a great range of sexy clothing on offer and kooky accessories, like shoes made of rubber tyres. Opposite is a treasure chest of second-hand gear that offered up a few bargains too.
So while we waited for the waves to pick up, we were more than stoked with this fun diversion.

FINS BELONG ON SHARKS, NOT IN SOUP

Just scored a new Limited Edition Yamamoto Geoprene wetsuit top by Matuse which is made from limestone as opposed to petroleum-based neoprene so I'm feeling about as stoked as an eco-warrior can be. Proceeds from this ice cool item of surfwear go to the Surfrider Foundation and hopefully somehow protect our friends the sharks. Not sure what the characters on the front mean. Any clues out there in cyberspace???

http://www.matuse.com/product.html?product_id=110

HOLLOW WOODEN SURFBOARDS

Lat week, The Hoffinator  and I headed to the hills for a 5 day workshop in making hollow wooden surfboards. Little did we know what an emotional roller coaster we were about to paddle into! Day one was awesome - unpacking our wood and assembling the inner skeletal frame. Day two was cool too, creating our individual designs and playing with the layout of the wood grains. A Paulownia tree had been ceremoniously felled before our arrival and each of the 13 participants had a slice or two to play with, along with strips of red cedar and western red cedar. Glassing the inside of the deck and bottom brought out all the gorgeous colours of the wood and we were riding the wave of stoke.

But then we had to become mistresses of power tools we'd only ever heard of like routers, belt sanders, angle grinders and glue guns. It was empowering to wield them around the workshop of our host Andrew Turner in the little dairy town of Comboyne under the instruction of Paul Jensen. But my enthusiasm got away with me and I nearly grinded the deck right off the board. Luckily Andrew's son Rye stopped me before it was too late. An accomplished woodworker who makes guitars for a living, Rye was making an impeccable 5'10" Fish. I opted for the 9' plank - less room for error - or so I thought.

By Day 5 I was in trouble. Having not had much experience with contact adhesive, there was a weakness emerging in my cork and plywood rails. The Hoffinator was in even deeper shit with no cork left to finish off her 5'5" fish. And being the perfectionist that she is, she wasn't going to use a patchwork of scraps like I had on my last of four layers of cork. We had become the outcasts. Set adrift on our intuition, we'd floundered. There was no choice but to leave. Everyone else was going the distance, pushing on into the unscheduled 6th day but we'd had enough of sawdust and rain and cold and concrete underfoot and most importantly - no surf! The only light at the end of the tunnel was the bath, the beer and the black market unpasteurised organic milk procured for our morning chai ritual. So we wrapped our unfinished boards up in layers of builders plastic and left star pupil Jane and co. behind.

But from power tools to couture, Comboyne delivered the goods. As we left we struck gold at a Katie Pye sale in the old Cheese Factory - a couple of choice outfits to help our re-entry into civilisation. And now we're stocking up on inspiration to complete the rail shaping and glassing back in Avalove. Watch this space.

FATBURNER

Took delivery of my fab new 5'10" fatburner from the lovely, loopy Greg Webber who obviously had fun signing his signature along the stringer (see pic). Gave it a test ride yesterday at Bungan in some cute little punchy numbers and it's officially my new best friend. Pity it's so flat today otherwise we'd be on another hot date. Had a chat with a longboarder on the steep climb back up from the beach who said he had "man-flu". I told him I think I have Giardia. Am looking forward to meeting up with Dr G. Spot today for medication and emerging with renewed vigor to take on end of week swell with my new bestie. Thanks Gregoire x

WHITE POINTER POINT

Lighthouses abound on the treacherous South Australian coastline as do cracker surf breaks. After a week of healing surfing with the local dolphins and my amazing girlfriends around this magnificent, remote area, I headed out to this point to pay my respects. What happened next was nothing short of a mystical experience. Scores of white pointer sharks converged in the colliding currents below. It was particularly trippy because my soul buddy had just departed these Earthly shores and his Fijian totem was the shark. I certainly felt his spirit flying free and wild and hopefully protecting me and all our mates in the surf.

Coming soon! 'Sea Hags Ahoy!' - the film of the trip with music by 'The Break'.

SHIFTING SANDS

'Another Day In Paradise' was the title of this stop motion animation which featured in Wax On earlier this year. It was shot on the breakwater at Nobby's Beach, Newcastle by New Zealand artist Sarah Smuts-Kennedy who is currently represented once again at Hazelhurst Gallery in the exhibition 'Shifting Sands'. The fab Ace Bourke is the curator. Not only is he the guy who owned the YouTube sensation Christian the Lion, he is also a descendant of Lieutenant Phillip Gidley King, who with Captain Arthur Phillip in the First Fleet had early encounters with Aborigines in Botany Bay.
'Dream Paradise' is Sarah's new work, inspired by Joni Mitchell's lyrics "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot". It's comprised of seven totem poles that throw shadows on her two videos of landscapes in Kamay National Park at Kurnell. Cool stuff.

HILDA'S HELMET

Helmets rock, according to Hilda (seen here fresh from a surf at North Avalon). Not only does it protect her head from head-ons with other people's boards, it also keeps her head warm, she reckons. And what's more, it keeps the cold water out of the ears. Given the current temperatures, it might be a good investment.

I ❤ Green Ones

Gotta Love this:

http://www.surfersvillage.com/surfing/48231/news.htm

WAX OFF

"Wax On. Wax Off." That immortal line from the classic 1984 film 'The Karate Kid' has inspired more than just a few people over the years. I used the title 'Wax On' for the first party that I helped organise for the Bondi Girls Surf Riders, held in association with Bondi FM at the Bondi Pavillion back in 2007. We had another big bash under that same title the following year but the girls decided to scale it back for the tenth anniversary last year which they held upstairs at the Waverly Bowling Club (a memorable night for many reasons!).
So I used the title for the contemporary surf-inspired art exhibition at Hazelhurst instead. When it wrapped I posted under the title 'Wax Off' but it seems that another art gallery is using it to launch their second surf art show in Melbourne this month. The one thing that strikes me about the line-up is the lack of chicks represented. Lucky it's not like that in the surf.

http://www.green-woodgallery.com/?module=exhibitions

WALK AGAINST WARMING

Climate chaos played an appropriate role in yesterday's Walk Against Warming which attracted 10,000 people in Sydney alone. I was asked to represent on behalf of The Climate Project and was the first speaker to address the rally. Everyone at Belmore Park near Central Station was basking in sparkling sunshine. But just as the speeches drew to a close, the heavens opened up and the rain pelted down. Hail was even reported falling in some parts of the city. One surfie chick i know was out at Long Reef and had to hold her board over her head for about five minutes protection. The ice was so strong she now has little dings all over the bottom of her board!

The Sydney Morning Herald has a report on the event:

(http://news.smh.com.au/breaking-news-national/thousands-protest-on-climate-change-20100815-12506.html)

News flash! Al Gore signals me out on his blog: :http://blog.algore.com/2010/08/the_movement_we_need.html

SURF'S UP

Surf's pumpin' so I'm heading off to pick up my board which got dinged in the tiny Rex jet coming back from Ballina. Don't know how it happened as there were only six of us on the flight so it wasn't as if it got crunched in all the luggage. Went to collect it the other day only to find that my fixer had somehow managed to put another ding in the tail. Cripes! Can't wait for that new fatuburner to arrive. Meanwhile, here's a pic of me going out on the first day of the swell in Malibu last March. Nearly drowned in all the weeds but a fun (if somewhat chilly) time was had.

BYRONIA

Whales breaching, dolphins frolicking, warm waves peeling, hippies nuzzling....where else could you be but Byronia?

Lobbed in last Friday and paddled straight out at north Tallow's where the water was fine, if a bit ramshackle. Caught a few then came in to see a pod of whales fully flying out of the ocean on their way north. Could they have been the same ones spotted just five days earlier off the 'bra? Considering that humpback whales can reach speeds of up to 27 kilometres an hour and Byron is 774 kms from Sydney....well, it's possible. Watched the leviathans round Australia's easternmost point from the iconic lighthouse as the sun set over the spectacular hinterland peaks.

Surfed deserted Seven Mile Beach for the next few days as the swell dropped off to next to nothing. But with days like this, fine food galore and friends to play with, what's there to complain about?

HELL (nipple rash)

Nude surfing is an art that very few people perfect. When Suze the Flooze tried in down at Yorkes Penninsular she was crying out for hell nipple rash.

It was this episode that sparked the idea for a video work by The Stoked, a Sydney based guerrilla collective that creates random acts of art, often provoked by other works of art. In this case, Tracey Moffatt’s Heaven provided the catalyst. Responding to the all male focus in Moffatt’s now classic 1997 film, The Stoked created a work in which the camera is trained on female surfers performing the same ritual as seen in Heaven, that of getting into and out of wetsuits in beach car parks.

In this perv-fest you can see radical professional surfer Amee Donohoe who was ranked 5th in the world last year. But don't expect the kind of flashy flesh jobs that are on display in Heaven. The chicks in Hell (Nipple Rash) are a lot more discrete having had years of practice avoiding the predatory male gaze as they suit up in public.

BTW Tracey Moffatt is giving a talk at the AGNSW this Friday at 6pm.

NEW BOARD EN ROUTE!

Nothing like a bit of public shaming to get some action on long overdue issues. I was asked for a contribution to this recent Tracks magazine article on the Webber brothers by middle sibling Monty. His older brother Greg had been promising me a board for years so I thought I'd remind him about it via the quote. No sooner had it hit the stands than I got a text; 'What dimensions?' So a 5'10" Fatburner is on it's way - hooray!!!

Greg and Monty made the amazing film 'Liquid Time' (2004) which was exhibited in 'Wax On'. It depicts what could very well be the most perfect waves ever seen on screen. But they’re only 30 centimetres high. Generated by Greg at the helm of a tinnie and shot by Monty with a boom-mounted lipstick camera, these “Microwaves”(as legendary surf cameraman George Greenough calls them) are breaking on the sandbanks of the Clarence River near the Webber family's spiritual home at Angourie.

Winner of the 2004 Cinematography Award at the Saint Jean de Luz Surf Film Festival, this short film features a chilled soundtrack from Tim “Love” Lee who gained fame as the keyboardist with ‘Katrina and the Waves’. Looking forward to their next cinematic outing.

DAY OUT OF TIME

Yesterday was this year's Day Out of Time according to the Mayan Calendar. Randy "Cosmic Hand" Bruner from 'It's About Time' on the Jewel Network (blogtalkradio.com) explains it like this; "Due to the nature of the 13 Moon 28 day calendar we are left with an extra day at the end of the year. 13 moons times 28 days gives us 364 days. So we’re left with an extra day. We refer to this day as “the Day Out of Time”. It is not a day of the week. It is not a day of the month. It is a Day Out of Time. However, it does have a spiritual value. It is a day in the 260 day sacred calendar of the Maya known as the Tzolkin."

It was "a great day for a picnic or a visit to your local sacred site or just gathering together with friends for a celebration of life", Randy said.

Unbeknownst to the White Resonant Mirror and I (Yellow Galactic Sun), we found ourselves high up on the cliffs at the Golf Course, north of Bondi Beach, beside some amazing carvings of whales, sharks and other marine creatures by the Gadigal People of the Eora Nation. We'd just come from surfing at Maroubra where we'd seen several southern right whales breaching not far offshore, leaping out of the ocean and plunging back down with gigantic splashes. We thought we might catch another sight of them from up here or maybe even see the full moon rise. Instead we spotted ten, twenty, fifty, eighty and then a hundred dolphins racing south along the coast towards us. As they came swirling to a halt right beneath us we realised that this awesome meg-pod was hunting down a school of huge fish - perhaps kingfish - that were leaping out of the water trying to avoid their jaws of death.

It was the sort of gobsmacking vision that we knew was going to be hard to describe to friends and family. Luckily the White Overtone Wizard called just as we spotted the pod, which seemed to stretch back all the way to South Head, so he knew our over excitement was for real. But my twin sisters (whose birthday it was), parents and nephews found it hard to comprehend when we met with them just 15 minutes later for an early dinner at the sublime Sean's Panaroma.

Only now as I research what was going on in the Mayan sense do I realise what I should've said to make myself perfectly clear. I was a galactic activation portal! "The new year in the 13 Moon Calendar is timed to coincide with a cosmic event. On July 26th the brightest star in the sky, Sirius, will rise with the sun".

Yellow Self-existing Star

I define in order to beautify

measuring art

I seal the store of elegance

with the self existing tone of form

I am guided by the power of flowering

I am a galactic activation portal… enter me

AVALOVE

Life is lovely living one hour north of the City of Sydney. Have extracted myself from the Eastern Suburbs for the first time in my life and am basically blissed out. Having surfed Bondi all these years it's delightful to explore all these gorgeous uncrowded breaks free from 'packer drop ins and runaway learner boards. Saw whales at Whale Beach and Guy Pearce at Warriewood. Wonderful!

PAM'S PORTRAIT

Abbey McCulloch was commissioned to paint this portrait of Aussie surf superstar Pam Burridge for Wax On and now the fab canvas is seeking a home. It's a rare opportunity for someone to have a full tilt legend watching over them and inspiring them into deeper barrels. So let the bidding begin!!

TARPING?!

PUBES

TETRIS TRIO

What to do with your spare grips? Here's an idea: turn them into stubby holders or mouse pads. Featured here is the tetris design grip recycled into new accessories for the discerning surfer. for the stubbie holder I used contact adhesive held together with bulldog clips for several hours. All it needs now is a base to stop the bottle falling through.

VARIATIONS ON BIKINI/BURQINI

Now that the weather's turned a little on the chilly side, it's time to rug up in something glamorous like the above outfit designed and modeled by Aheda Zanetti who invented the Burqini.

The Burqini (centre) was created to assist Muslim women who desire to be lifesavers or simply just enjoy the beach and is her answer to the bikini, consisting of a full length lycra suite with hijab head-covering. The outfit is not dissimilar to the stinger suit (top) one must wear snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef to protect oneself from fatal box jelly fish stings only baggier.

All outfits are also brilliant for summer too, to protect pale skin from the deadly uv rays.

http://www.womengateway.com/enwg/Women+Issues/burgini.htm

GREEN FINS

How super stoked am I to be testing out a prototype set of these new Green Flex Fins???

And I'm especially chuffed to have played a small role in their inception. Back in August 2005, I was hosting DFactory, a monthly design forum at the Powerhouse Museum, and one of our guests was the Global Marketing and Product Development Manager of Surf Hardware International, a company that had taken out that year's Australian Design Award with the H-2 surfboard fin.

Contact was made at the event with another DFactory guest from InterfaceFLOR, a carpet manufacturing company that aims to eliminate any negative impact that it may have on the environment by 2020. Together these companies have been working on extracting the nylon component from old carpets and using the resin-like material to make fins, diverting heaps of junk from landfills in the process.

While still in the trial phase, these Green Flex Fins are feeling mighty fine in my boards. Check out this link for more info:

http://www.surffcs.com/green/

TOUGH SHARK LOVE

They always get a bad rap but sharks rock. My bestie had a Fijian shark totem and he took his heritage to heart.
At the premiere of 'Australia', he crafted a shark outfit that rocked the red carpet to it's underfelt. The dinner shirt splattered with blood was a special touch.
His totem manifested into a stunning decoration last Christmas outside his Darlinghurst cafe FAB. Complete with a red nose, the gnarly beastie took the place of a reindeer and dragged a splayed Santa in 6inch heels on a boogie board sleigh for a wild and festive ride.

My soul mate, the white pointer shark, broke free into the void last month and is currently surfing the cosmic foam somewhere out there in the universe. Fear not his jaws of death. Protect his kind by adopting a shark instead. The Bondi Girls Surf Riders have one affectionately known as Schapelle. She brings members good karma in the surf.
Humans have decimated this mighty species by over 90% through shark finning, a crazy industry that wastes 75% of the animal in quest of what amounts to a carcenogenic cartiledge for a supposedly potent soup.
Help save the sharks and respect their habitat.
adoptashark.org.au
http://nccnsw.org.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=66&Itemid=596

Wax Off

As the Wax On works are removed from the gallery wall there's a certain sense of melancholia setting in. But, as the good Budd says, nothing is permanent. All things must pass. And so, with Captain Goodvibes 3D head safely bubble-wrapped in the back of my car, I'm heading down to Bondi to hand over our beloved mascot to its rightful owner.

David Elfick co-founded 'the surfer's bible' Tracks Magazine back in the early '70s and produced those seminal surf films 'Morning Of the Earth' and 'Crystal Voyager'. He kindly lent us the Pig of Steel's head for the duration of the show and today he'll take him back up to Palm Beach where he'll preside over the waves from his lookout in the old pink dance hall. Om Mani Pig Hum.

Phantasmagoriapsychosexmagia

With a title like this, you know that Rachel Scott is up to something big and complex. Seen here in a production still from her 10-minute black and white video, Scott conjurs up the sinister side of surf culture as she waxes on in her hoodie to a soundtrack that includes grabs from David Lynch's 'Twin Peaks'. The phrase: "I want you, I want you", whispers out from the background as she inexpertly applies wax to two old surfboards, messing up her long, painted fingernails in the process.

Scott purchased the boards online for just $45 and the experience of going to collect them from a dodgy dude in Bronte is described in a text based work displayed outside the darkened projection room. But this blog-like document from Sunday 22nd November, 2009, has also been coated with a thick layer of wax making it virtually impenetrable to the viewer. Likewise, another framed text recounting a dream in which she is waxing three surfboards given to her by her mother is obscured with black duck tape.

What I love about this work, apart from the tension that's created through a strange mixture of paranoia and humour, is the magic that's captured within the frame that Scott has set up for herself. Behind her there's always some action like guys surfing or waiting for their mates after coming out of the water. There's even a jogger who conveniently stops mid distance and checks his watch before moving on. And if you let your imagination run riot, you can even sense the presence of a shark patrolling the waters, scoping out the legs of the last man surfing.

FROM LITTLE THINGS...

Sydney-based artist Kendal Murray contains memories of idyllic beach holidays in objects like glass teapots and old compacts. Her works are seen here being unpacked by Exhibition Coordinator and chief curator Daniel Mudie Cunningham who leg-roped me into this gig in the first place and who alerted me to these gorgeous objects d'art when they were first exhibited at Arthouse Gallery last year.

In Wax On, Murray's miniatures are displayed on a plinth near Monty Webber's video work 'Liquid Time' - a dreamy vision of perhaps the most perfect waves ever found in the world. But you couldn't possibly ride them because they're only 30 cm high. Only Murray's little surfie dudes could take them on and reminisce about that sheer perfection for the rest of their tiny lives.

LITTLE PATTIE ROCKS WAX ON

What is Little Pattie's secret? Staying out of the sun, I guess. The recent Hall of Fame inductee looked dazzling at the opening of Wax On where she charmed the crowd of about 250 locals and blow-ins with stories of her beach-based youth before singing her legendary hit song 'He's My Blonde-Headed Stompie Wompie Real Gone Surfer Boy'. I couldn't help hitting the dance floor with Pattie as she demonstrated the moves for our deep delectation. One serious old timer was also seen stepping out and busting a crusty move with us. Watch out for some retro steps tonight at the 10th Anniversary Celebration of the Bondi Girls Surf Riders. Waverly bowlo may never be the same again!

STOKED

Totally felling the stoke after last night's opening of Wax On. Many of the artists were in attendance including Peter 'Beatle' Collins who rocked up the coast from his haven in Bermagui and spoke to the local rag 'The Leader' about his days shaping boards in the Shire. These days he works as a caretaker on architect Philip Cox's remote beachside property where he first started creating his amazing stick sculptures. Conjuring up the kinds of barrels he likes to get slotted into, these pieces of temporal land art have reached epic proportions. Pictured here is 'The Wave at Ma's', a 30m wide triple overhead monster made entirely of eucalypt sticks (no strings attached). Beautiful photos of this and other stick waves are on display alongside an early wire wave sculpture at Hazelhurst as of now!

He’s My Blonde-Headed, Stompie Wompie, Real Gone Surfer Boy

Chanting the chorus of the #55 top surf tune of all time, Nell's meditating surf life saver has magically managed to manifest the singer herself. Little Pattie OAM and recent inductee into the Hall of Fame has graciously agreed to open Wax On next Friday (Dec 4) at 6pm. She will also perform her famous hit for us wax heads before handing the reigns over to Jay Katz on the decks who promises to spin cheesy surf tunes late into the summer night.

Nell's amazing work will be on display and if you bring a magnifying glass you can marvel at the immaculate conception that is her vision of Aussie surf culture. Tracing the beaches of the east and west coasts down his arms you'll find stories of surfers who have been taken by sharks or just immortalised through their extraordinary aquatic actions. There are even some names of people who have done nothing more than enjoy themselves on a few waves. Who knows, maybe you're in there somewhere?

Abstract Expressionist Punk

Gold Coast surfing artist Reinhardt Dammn rides again, this time in Hobart with his band Honey Pump (http://www.criteriongallery.com.au). Alongside debauched record covers and posters are photos of urinals in Fortitude Valley - are they surf boards behind the waterfall?

With no formal training this young kamakaze blade is swathing a path to Wax On. The casting couch is open. Screen test, anyone?

Glazed Ladies

Taking up the challenge of addressing the history of women's surfing in Australia, Gerry Wedd has come up with this amazing vase featuring Isabel Letham - the first chick to pick up a stick back in December 1914. Plucked from the crowd by none other than the legendary Duke Kahanamoku, Isabel took to the waves at Sydney's Freshwater Beach and was "hooked for life". But the Manly Surf Club refused to give her membership because of her sex. We've come a long way, baby!

SURFING THE CLIMATE CHAOS

Jo Cuzzi calls herself variously "an undisciplined, multidisciplinary artist, a diorama drama queen, stencil slag, persistent painter, pornographic photographer, fake filmmaker, eclectic electronic experimentalist and incidental installation artist".

Lately she has been developing a couple of kooky characters called Horis and Doris who find themselves in all sorts of peculiar scenarios including bobbing about in tea-cups in shark infested waters made from recycled Sydney Ferries tickets. their adventures are like a collision between Reverse Garbage and Where The Wild Things Are.

For Wax On she's increased her usual pizza box diorama dimensions to almost life-size with an installation that sees her hapless duo surfing waves of Whale Sanctuary posters in front of a burning city made of big capitalist dollar bills. Horis is holding an incendiary match but the work also hints at the climate chaos that our developed lifestyles have ignited. When that tsunami rolls in, kids, you better get those boards out!

CLUBBY WANKERS OR FULL TILT LEGENDS?

Just reading an article from Surfing World (issue 290) entitled 'Surfy Scum VS Clubby Wankers' which details the long rivalry between the two sub-species of Aussie Beach Culture. When those red and yellow flags go up in front of prime surf breaks tensions flare and boards get confiscated - remember that choice stoush depicted in one of my all time favourite albatrosses 'Puberty Blues'?

This article by Jock Serong (!) quotes Colleen McGloin defining the surf lifesaver as representative of "authority, social regulation and white heterosexuality" whereas the surfer is the "symbolic larrikin". However Jock concludes that "the queasy Darwinian truth is: we grew from the same stock". He goes on to list someof the more heroic feats performed by those dudes in their kinky rescue belts and reels including a nude rescue at Coogee beach in 1911 by Harry Baker. He also cites the hit TV show Bondi Rescue and predicts an episode when one of those buff lifesavers will have "to give mouth to mouth to a huge queen in boyshorts". We await that inevitable eventuality with baited breath. 

COSMIC NUDE YOGA

Currently slam dunking the 'Wax On' catalogue and selecting some images to accompany the curator's essay; 'Feeling the Stoke'. Couldn't resist this page from 'The Best of Tracks' (exact date unknown because, according to the magazine's co-founder, everyone on the editorial team was too stoned to remember to print it!) - probably sometime in the mid '70s. The yogi in the lotus position seems to be manifesting Nell's meditating surf lifesaver which I went to see the other day. It's a gorgeous black and white painting of a seated figure with zinc lips and an ejaculating surfboard between its legs entitled  "He's My Blonde-Headed, Stomppie Wompie, Real Gone Surfer Boy or Another Fucking Summer". Oh, for more ozone... 

MAGIC WAX

Just received a fabulous block of Barbary's Organic Magic Wax made from her very own honey bees down in Middleton, SA.

Barbary and I went to the Mentawai's last year and had a fab time surfing some seriously gnarly waves. We went out at KFC's after deciding not to surf Macca's due to over crowding by 8 boatloads of pretty determined guys. But a rogue set thoroughly wiped us out and as per this accurate representation of the incident I lost my board. Luckily I had a spare legrope but those suspicious floating particles that were being pumped out raw and macerated from the hulls of all those boats got into me had me laid up for a few days. 

Barbary reclaimed her dignity and powered on in style. She recently held a SALA Open Studio Event titled 'Surfing Isn't All I Think About' featuring some paintings of flaming pubes. And she's concocting a 'Wax On' cartoon for our delectation too in response to what she calls the purile macho rag that is Tracks.

She may even do some kids workshops during the holidays if we can lure her up to the Big Smoke.